The Road is Long
by SeoulSearching
Summary: Adam Banks must deal with a difficult time as he travels the long road of mental and physical recovery. Through this journey he will learn to trust friends, how to fall in love, and mostly importantly, find the will to keep moving on.
1. Chapter 1

"The Road is Long" 

AUTHORS NOTE: I should probably clear up a few things in this story. It will be told primarily from the view of Adam, and takes place during the Ducks senior year at Eden Hall. It does not closely follow the movies, and is rather just my imagination in play. Note some differences: 1. Coach Orion is now the varsity coach, and 2. all players live in the dorms. Anything of familiarity belongs to Disney. Anything other characters belong to me. Warning: scenes of self injury and depression, read with caution. Thanks for taking the time to read, and please take a second to review! 

"Adam, I'm so sorry. I hate being the one to break the news to you, but they felt I was the best one for the job." I looked at Bombay as he patted my shoulder comfortingly.

"When did it happen?" I asked, feeling like I was in a daze. The room spun around me, and I became very interested in a button that was about to fall of my shirt, anything to take my mind off the current situation.

"This morning, on his way to the airport, your father pulled out into traffic, and the car came out of nowhere. He—he was killed instantly," Bombay told me simply. 

I could only nod as the blood began rushing to my head, my father was dead, he was gone, I felt sick, and alone. Absentmindedly, I played with the thread on my button, until it finally broke off, but I think I hit the ground before it did.

The next couple of weeks became a blur of memories that passed painfully slow for my mother and me. I had temporarily stopped going to school so I could stay with my mother who was obviously devastated. She was having a difficult time coping with the reality of the situation. I was supposed to be her shoulder to cry on I guess, but I had my own problems, and she found solace in friends anyways. I don't really remember crying at all, I kept everything inside of me, and tried to be strong for my mother in her fragile condition when she needed it. The last thing I wanted to do was break down and cry in front of my mother. I didn't even play much hockey during that time.  

Eventually, things gradually became a little better. I was back in school doggedly trying to catch up and get back into shape. I was to busy and to tired to think about the past month, although the school guidance counselor kept telling me I should come and see him at anytime, claiming it would help. I politely told him no, as I thought to myself that nothing was going to help.

But as hard as I tried, I couldn't avoid the fact that my father was gone. Even without him as the driving force of my hockey career, I was still under enormous pressure. After all, it was my senior year and I had to impress college coaches in order to even be considered for scholarships. During my first game back, I just couldn't seem to hold my concentration. For the first time in years, I was actually nervous and I had no idea why.

"Adam? Hello? Earth to Adam," somebody was tapping my shoulder with a stick. 

"Huh?" I looked up to see Charlie shaking his head at me, "The game is about to start," he told me pointedly.

"Oh, right," I looked around the room to realize that the locker-room had already cleared. "Sorry about that," I mumbled, embarrassed.

 I followed Charlie out onto the ice, and tried to get my mind into the game.  I skated a couple laps and guided a puck around trying to get my composure back.

"Nice shot, Adam," Julie called as I deked a shot around her.

The whistle blew and the team gathered around Orion as he called out the starting lineup. Feeling somewhat relieved that I didn't have to start, I sat down on the bench, trying my best to concentrate on the game, but I absentmindedly found myself searching for my father in the stands. When I realized what I was doing, I put my head down, fighting back the urge to break down right then and there. I was oblivious to anything that was going on in the game.

"Banks change it up!" Coach Orion gave me a tap on my shoulder.  I took a deep breath as I hopped over the boards and got into the game. Skating into the corner, I and tried to grab the lose puck, but I wasn't fast enough getting it passed off, and before I knew, it I was checked hard into the boards and went down.

My teammates stood up on the bench yelling to the refs, but Coach Orion told them to quiet down, when they all realized I was hurt. I hadn't moved.  The pain in my body was excruciating. I tried to sit up, but pain immediately shot up my leg. "You OK, Adam?" Guy stood over me, concerned. "Get some help!" he yelled to the bench.

A trainer and Coach came onto the ice and began to look me over. I was dimly aware of what was going on, as they managed to get me off the ice and into the locker room. "I'm sorry Adam, but I'm afraid your going to have to go to the hospital," Mr. Anderson, the trainer, told me gravely as he examined my ankle, which was starting to swell and bruise.

I could only nod as I fought back tears, and tried to ignore the sinking feeling in my stomach.  "Things could get worse," I thought as I tried to ignore the throbbing pain in my leg. Before I knew it I was in the hospital in a daze, where I received a shot and suddenly began to feel very sleepy.

"Adam? Adam? Where is he?" I was could hear my mother's worried voice as I listened to it mix in with the doctor's voices.

"Mrs. Banks? I'm Dr. Larson. Your son has a broken ankle and a fractured shin bone. It is nothing serious, and luckily he won't require surgery, but it will take 6-8 weeks for it to heal. Hockey will be out of the question for quite sometime, however.  He must wait for it to completely heal or else he could risk damaging it permanently."

I heard all of this and turned away from his mother's face as silent tears fell out of my eyes. As the doctor began to work on my ankle I closed my eyes and dozed off.

"How are you feeling, honey?"  My mother asked me, with concern in her voice, after I had woken up.

"Alright I guess.

"Are you in any pain?" She asked.

"Not really."

"Good. We are just waiting for the physical therapist and then I can take you home."         

As if that was the cue, a blonde haired woman walked into the room carrying a pair of crutches. "Hello Adam, I am Dr. Thomas."  She shook my hand then helped me sit up.  I groaned as I moved my ankle, it was in a cast that went from my shin to my toes. Dr. Thomas handed me a pair of crutches and I slid them under my arms.

"Have you used crutches before?" she asked.

"Unfortunately, yes."  I thought of my past hockey injuries.

"Alright, after you try them out, you are free to go home, and in a few weeks I will be seeing you for rehab."

I nodded as I stood up to put my full weight onto the crutches. Each time I swung my injured foot forward pain shot up my leg, but I wasn't going to say that it hurt as I gritted my teeth. Dr. Thomas seemed satisfied, however, and told me that I could finally go home. She also gave me a prescription for pain medication. A nurse eventally came with a wheelchair, and wheeled me out of the hospital where I waited for my mother to bring the car around.  

The ride home was mostly me staring out the window and my mother talking to me. "The doctor says that you should try and stay off your ankle as much as possible, and keep it elevated whenever you are sitting down.  I'll stop and get your medication, and then we can go home."

I sighed and tried to doze off.  "We're here, honey."  I opened my eyes and stretched, trying to ignore the throbbing in my ankle. As soon as I got into the house I took some painkillers, and slowly made my way upstairs to my bedroom. I shut the door behind me, and then collapsed onto my bed, tossing the crutches onto the floor. Tears began to well up in my eyes, but this time I freely let them fall. I cried for the loss of my father, my injury, and life in general. After awhile, I realized I was tired, and feel asleep.


	2. Chapter 2

When I woke up I realized it was morning and my mother had been into my room.  She had taken off my jacket and covered me up with my blankets.  A cup of water and a sandwich sat on a plate along with some more painkillers.  Next to that was a note, I picked it up and read, "Adam, hope you slept well, went to run some errands, call me if you need anything, and be careful on the stairs.  Love, Mom."

I rolled my eyes as I set down the note and began to eat the sandwich. She was never going to stop worrying about me.  I sat up and realized that I wasn't in as much pain as yesterday, but physically I was tired and my body felt heavy. 

I was about to attempt getting in the shower when the doorbell rang.  Sighing, I carefully made my way down the stairs and opened the door to see Charlie, Guy, Averman and Goldberg standing there grinning and looking all-together to happy.  "Hey, Banks, how's the leg?" Charlie asked me, as I let them in.

"Alright I guess. I can't play hockey for awhile." A stabbing pain went through my stomach as I spoke those words and I realized how disappointed that made me.

"Don't worry, you'll be back in no time," Guy tried to assure me.

"Yea, maybe…" I sighed as they invaded my living room and began to scour through the movies in my house.

"What movie's that, Goldberg?" Averman asked as he was channel surfing.

"Dead Pots Society or something like that…"

"Um, Goldie? Why don't you try the "Dead POETS Society?" Charlie told him, pointing out the E.

"Right, that's what I said." 

"Sounds morbid, let's put it in," Averman said, taking the box out of Goldberg's hands and put in the tape.

I sighed and settled down on the couch and was just content to try and relax while watching the movie. As it went on I began to see my life as a parallel to Neil's, seeing how his father pushed him to be his best, and somewhat my father had stopped me from trying anything other than hockey. But I suppose it was never bad enough to kill myself over.

"You know, I could see this movie set in Eden Hall," Averman commented. "Charlie and Goldberg are perfect candidates for leading roles."

"Shut UP, Averman," Guy said, playfully punching him in the shoulder.

The guys hung around for a couple of hours, but honestly, I was kind of glad when they finally went home, I just really wanted to be alone.  I was laying on the couch lost in my thoughts when I heard the back door open, and my mom walked in carrying some groceries.

"Adam? Honey, are you up?"

"Yea, mom, I'm in the living room."

She walked in and sat down next to me, I looked over at her. She looked tired, and I could tell she had been crying. Her face was tear-stained and her eyes red. 

"You OK, mom?" I asked cautiously.

"I'm fine, sweetie. I'll just go put away the groceries."

I nodded and watched her go. I didn't think I could take much more of this. I was going to have to go back to the dorms soon. The atmosphere in the house was too much for me to bear alone, it had been almost two months since he had died, but it still seemed like it was yesterday.

 I slowly climbed my way up the stairs to my room. I shut the door behind me, and sat down at my desk. There was my signed Wayne Gretsky photo, and then another one, of my parents and me. It was taken last year. I stared hard at the picture, and thought about what my dad would say about my injury. Then I looked down at my leg. What was I going to do?  I realized that if I didn't play, for awhile it would pretty much ruin my chances of getting a scholarship for a good college. Senior year was the most important year of my career so far, and I could defiantly forget about the NHL now. That dream was long gone, but I didn't want to admit it to myself.  I put my head in my hands and tried to think.

There were still a lot of feelings that I could not sort out, and this injury was not helping me to feel better. Then I realized that had I not been so shook up about him being gone, I would've played better, and had my mind in the game. Suddenly, I was angry that he hadn't been more careful driving and that he had left my mother and I in the situation that he did.  

With him gone, my mother had been looking into getting a second job to help pay for the upkeep of such a big house.  Also, there was college tuition to think about, and even though there was some money put away, it wasn't going to be enough. I was worried, especially with the idea that if I couldn't play hockey, and then I would lose a lot of scholarship money, which would help cover some cost.

Figures, first my dad as to pressure me so much as a kid to play hockey non-stop,  then he pushed me to be the best I could be at Eden Hall, always reminding me I could lose my scholarship if I played badly, and now he was gone, which had somehow created even more pressure.

"I hate you," I said to the picture, before throwing it across the room where it shattered against the wall.  Realizing that my head was pounding I got into bed and fell into a fitful sleep.

The next morning when I woke up I heard voices laughing from downstairs. I rolled over and looked at my clock, it was already almost noon, and I was surprised that my mom had let me sleep in so late. I needed to take some medicine, and realizing that there was a male voice downstairs I didn't recognize, I began to make my way down the stairs.

"Audrey," the voice said, referring to my mother. "Philip has been gone for almost two months; maybe it's time to tell Adam."

"Tell me what?" I asked, a little too roughly to my mother as I stumbled into the kitchen, looking back and forth from her to the mystery man who was holding her hand. She immediately let go of his hand and stood up, "Oh, honey, good, you are finally up." She had plastered a fake smile onto her face.

"What's going on?" I asked, "And who are you?" I shifted that question to the man standing up, looking somewhat embarrassed.

"Adam, this is Dan Carlton, my uh, friend from work." I suspiciously shook his hand as I saw him cast a sideways glance at my mother.

"Sorry, about t injury Adam, your mother told me all about it, you must be disappointed about being sidelined."

"Yea, but I'll get over it," I answered somewhat rudely.

"Of course you will." An uncomfortable silence followed as my mother searched for something to say.

"Mom, I was wondering of you could take me back up to school today, I'm getting kinda restless just sitting around the house."

"Of course, honey, as long as you feel up too it.  The doctor said not to push anything to fast; you need your rest after all."

"I know mom, its fine. I'll be ready in a little bit." I answered a little too whiney, something was going on, and she was exasperating me. I turned around and hobbled back up the stairs, when the throbbing in my ankle reminded me that I had been so surprised by the mystery guy, I had forgotten to take some pain killers. Oh well, I thought, I was really too tired to go back downstairs, and what was a little more pain?

* * *

On the way back to Eden Hall my mom tried to make small talk with me, which I wasn't interested in making; finally I just asked the question.  "What is it with you and that guy mom?"

"Well…"

"Is he really a friend from work?"

My mother's eyes filled with tears, "Adam, some things are hard to talk about."

"Well, you had no trouble sharing with him did you?" I asked angrily.

"No, I guess no. Adam, listen, Dan and I…Dan…Oh, I don't know what to say.  Your father…he wanted to get a divorce a couple years ago.  We had been disagreeing on everything, how he was spending the money, how he was pushing you in hockey, and where you should go for high school and college. We were going to wait until you at least finished high school; it was easy to cover it up since you had been gone so long. Dan and I had been seeing each other for about a year of and on…your father was seeing some women in California for years, pretending he was going on business trips and such, but I knew. A woman can always tell. That was another reason why I wanted to leave him, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I did still love him after all, despite what he was doing to me, and you.  Then I met Dan, and I was going to being up the courage to finally leave him, and then there was the accident. Then you got hurt. It was just a lot of bad timing all at once…I'm sorry Adam."

I sat stone faced; staring out the window as I saw Eden Hall come into view. My mom pulled into the parking lot by my dorm, and put the car into park. "Thanks for including me in on my family life, mom."  I grabbed my backpack, and angrily slammed the door, as I stumbled into the door and clumsily made my way up the stairs, blinded by tears. I heard my mom pull out of the driveway, probably heartbroken, but I didn't care. Not now. 

I opened the door to my room, just glad to be back at school, even though I didn't really want to be here much either. I went to flick on the lights when suddenly people jumped out from everywhere. "Surprise!"


	3. Chapter 3

I was taken aback as I looked around at my friend's happy faces, and tried to quickly wipe the stray tears from following out of my eyes. "What's all this?" I asked, trying to sound happy.

"Well, we figured you needed a party, after all, you've been through a lot, and most importantly, you only get to celebrate your 18th birthday once!" Connie explained.

I had nearly forgotten that my birthday was tomorrow. I couldn't wait to find out what else my mom had gotten me. "Wow, this is great, guys, I really don't know what to say," I really was surprised, but didn't exactly feel particularly ready to have fun.

"You don't gotta say anything, just sit back and relax, after all, you are the guest of honor." Charlie smiled at me.

Somebody had turned on some music and pizza had arrived and pretty soon everybody was laughing and having a good time, everybody except me, and it was my party. I picked at the cheese on my pizza, I just really wasn't hungry. My mother's words were still playing over and over in my head.Mix that with the music, and I had a migraine coming on. I rubbed my temples, and tried to get some energy when Charlie thrust a big box onto my lap. 

"This is from all of us, to you, Cake-Eater."He told me, grinning.

I looked at everybody's faces, they were all smiling and looking so excited, I really didn't want to ruin the moment, so I began to open the present, pretending to be excited, but my heart really wasn't into it. I opened the box; the team had chipped in to get me an autographed Red Wings jersey, signed by Steve Yzerman, my second favorite player after Wayne Gretsky. I had to admit, it was pretty nice, and way more than I ever expected from my friends. "Wow, you guys. This is too much."

"For you, anything." Averman told me in a somewhat mock sincerity. I could only roll my eyes in reply as I scanned my friends smiling and happy faces.

I thanked everybody and tried to stifle a yawn, but Julie noticed and suggested that they all leave so I could get some rest. Ever since that whole "her name's Julie not Babe" thing, we had been pretty good friends, even though she had a boyfriend, and it sure wasn't me. I was relived that she had noticed, however, but also guilty that they had to leave so soon. "Bye, Banksie!" Charlie called, with his arm around his girlfriend of four years, Linda. Russ and Ken waved to me, and then continued their argument on the best way to trash talk another player. Portman and Fulton followed pretending to beat each other up, while Luis was making out with somebody outside my door. As everybody else walked out they called their good-byes and happy birthday's to me.After they had all left, I shut the door, and looked at my now empty room; sometimes it was nice to have a single. I held up my new jersey, I was lucky to have such great friends. I just wanted to get my problems out, but I just didn't feel close enough with any of them to tell them what I had been feeling.

I was suddenly extremely tired, and quickly fell back asleep. I woke up a couple hours later, and realized that I had again fallen asleep with my clothes on, "I gotta quit doing that," I muttered to myself as I got up to take some pain killers, changed, then went right back to sleep.

It must have been around 7:30 AM when I realized that the phone was ringing, bleary eyed and yawning, I slowly made my way out of bed and made my way over to answer the phone. "'lo?" I muttered.

"Adam, honey, it's your mother. I just wanted to call and wish you a happy birthday. Also, I was wondering if Dan and I might come and take you to dinner, after all, there are things that we need to talk about."

I started to talk without really thinking. "No thanks, that's really OK," I answered harshly, stifling a yawn. It was tough to be mean when I was still half asleep.

I could hear my mother hesitating, and the crack in her voice, "If that is what you want then, but I really would like to see you."

"No, I have schoolwork and stuff to catch up on." I explained, as if that would make it OK.

My mother sighed, "Have a good birthday anyways then, I guess I will give you your present when I see you next week," she told me, with disappointment in her voice. "You have a doctor's appointment next Friday at 3:30, don't forget Adam, it's important."

"I won't forget, and don't nag me." I told her, frustrated with the way she always insisted on treating me like a child. I slammed down the phone, angry that my day was seemingly ruined. I checked my watch; I could probably even squeeze in a couple extra minutes of sleep. I hadn't slept that well and I was so tried. Lying down in bed I pulled my blanket around me and sighed. I hoped things would get better soon. "Happy Birthday to me," I muttered.

"Adam? Hello?" I opened my eyes; somebody was calling my name and pounding on my door.

"What is it?" I opened the door to see Charlie standing there. 

"What's up, man?You sick or something? You weren't in Chemistry this morning and Luis said you never showed up for History."

"Oh, no," I groaned. I had overslept and ended up missing my classes. My stomach had a sinking feeling in it. I was going to be so behind now, and the teachers would be so mad that I didn't inform them that I was missing another day…Then suddenly I realized that I didn't really care right now, I had other stuff on my mind.

"Well, anyways, I just wanted to remind you that we have practice today at 4:00 and Coach Orion wants to see you at 3:30 in his office if you can."

I nodded, "thanks, Charlie, I'll see ya there." I closed the door and slid down it, so I was slumped on the floor. I put my head in my hands and wished I could shake the heavy feeling in my stomach. I rolled my neck and shoulders, I was so sore. I hated the way that I felt when I was under pressure. I just wanted to hit something, or wake up and have it all disappear, but I knew that I had to be realistic and suck it up, just like I had been for the past five years. For the first time in my life, I realized how tired I was from dealing with the pressures of hockey. Maybe this injury was somehow a blessing and a curse. 


	4. Chapter 4

Checking my watch, I realized that I had to go see Coach soon, figuring that it would take me awhile to get to his office, I put a hat on my messy hair, grabbed my crutches and slowly made my way across campus.

"Hi, Adam thanks for taking the time to see me." Coach glanced up as I stepped into his office.

"Sure." I said, sitting down.

"Well first things first, how are you feeling?" Coach Orion gave me a look of concern.

I avoided his eyes, and fidgeted in my seat for a second, "everything's just fine."

"Are you sure?" Tears were forming in my eyes and I couldn't bring myself to meet his gaze. All I could do was nod.

He watched me for another second then began to tell me how they had begun the search for a new JV coach, because after all, with Orion as the new Varsity Coach, it left the position open. It was too hard for him to do both and was tirelessly trying to find somebody to fill the vacancy before it became too late in the season.

"My question is, since you won't be able to play for awhile, I was wondering if you would like to help me out in conditioning and coaching the team."

"Well," I thought about it for a second. "Coach, I would like too, but considering my academic standing and how I've been feeling, I guess it would be better if I didn't."

"That is understandable. By the way, how is your ankle feeling?" I decided that I couldn't lie when answering this question.

"Honestly? It still hurts, much more than I ever thought it would."

"Hopefully, the pain will be gone soon. If not, you should defiantly inform your doctor."

"Don't worry, I will."

"Good, oh, and Adam, don't worry about coming to practice today, just get some rest and heal up, I need you back."

I nodded, said my thanks then left.

* * *

A week went by, but things still weren't getting much better, I had so much stuff to try and catch up on. "Tomorrow--tests in…history, and trig…as wells as applications for University of Minnesota & interviews to prepare for, the varsity game tomorrow, paper due in English…doctor's appointment tomorrow," I was talking with myself trying to get organized, trying to remember everything I had to do. I never remembered ever being so far behind, but it couldn't be helped. My mother and I still hadn't made up; I was tired all the time, and in pain. I had also nearly forgotten that I had a very important meeting to discuss my future with U of M. I knew that they would never offer me a full ride because I wouldn't be able to play for awhile. I was devastated to this idea, for that was where I desperately wanted to play.

I was so depressed and in such a bad mood I didn't spend much time with my friends, or do much of anything for that matter. I stayed holed up in my room, watching movies and laying on my bed. I was looking worse than ever, my face was always pale and I had dark circles under my eyes. I was also losing weight. My arms, however, were getting stronger, thanks to the crutches. 

Realizing I was getting distracted, I opened my history book and tried to read, while at he same time, trying not to fall asleep. I studied for almost 3 hours straight and I was proud of myself, by the time midnight rolled around, I couldn't fight my yawns and changed, and crawled into bed where I immediately fell asleep.

The next morning past in a blur of tests, homework, and teachers yelling at me about my work. To make my day I was also informed that I was failing two classes and if I could play hockey I would have to be benched because of my grades. They also told me my mother had already been told.

Dreading her wrath, I waited outside my building for her to show up for my doctor's appointment. Leaning on my crutches I began to feel tired, I hoped that the doctor would finally let me off them, and tell me I could start playing hockey soon. Even though I knew deep down, that the fact I was still in pain was not a good sign.

Pretty soon I saw my mother's familiar black Jetta pulling up and stop for me. I climbed into the car, and she pulled out of his parking lot without really saying much. Her mouth was set in a thin line and her knuckles where turning white from gripping the steering wheel so tightly.

"Adam, look I'm sorry about the way things turned out, but I can't keep doing this with you. I made some mistakes, but I need you to try and begin to forgive them, I need to be able to talk freely so that you can better understand the situation."

I nodded, "OK, I can't say that I forgive you yet, but we have reached an understanding and I am willing to listen." I answered, trying to be fair.

"I need to tell you something now, Adam. I'm going to give it to you straight. Dan's work is transferring him to be the new supervisor of a plant in Michigan."

"That's good." I answered what exactly did she want me to say?

"Honey, Dan's asked me to marry him, and I accepted. I want to move to Michigan with him."

I couldn't really think of words, but any ounce of forgiveness that I had in my body had suddenly been washed away with the tides of my mother's newest news. Almost thankfully, however, I saw the hospital come into view and my mother dropped me off at the door and I left without saying to much to her. I guess this time I wasn't angry, but I was stunned beyond belief.

I sat down in a rather uncomfortable plastic chair rubbing my temples when I heard my name being called. "Hi," the nurse said "I need you to follow me back to X-ray.

She took some pictures of me leg then took me to room, with curtains as the partitions. "Dr. Larson will be right with you," she told me briskly as she drew the curtain around her.

As I waited I picked up an ancient Sports Illustrated and tried to stay occupied while I waited for the doctor to come, but my thoughts continued too sway to what my mother had said. I wasn't exactly sure what to think, or what exactly she expected of me.

"Hello, Adam, how are you today?" Dr. Larson asked as he walked in carrying my x-rays and putting them on the light box.

"As good as I can be, I suppose."

"Good, good…" He answered, not really listening.

He observed the X-rays, examined my cast, and asked me questions. "Have you been in any pain?"

"Yes," I answered honestly, "It hurts often, and I have to keep taking pain pills."

"Hmmm, well, you see in your current X-rays, it shows that the bone did not mend itself properly. I'm afraid you are going to have to stay on crutches for an extra two weeks, before I let you stat to put weight on it. I don't want to risk anymore damage. This also means that hockey is defiantly out for the rest of this year."

I wanted to put my fist through the wall I was so angry and upset at the same time. How much more bad stuff could happen? Suddenly I had the urge to cry, and I couldn't control it. Dr. Larson was to preoccupied, and I was able to stop my eyes from welling up as he handed me a prescription for stronger pain killers and told me by no means should I put any unnecessary weight on my foot. Doing so could damage it seriously," he told me.

Dejected, I found my mom waiting for me in the waiting room as I filled her in on the bad news. She hugged me, and for the first time in awhile I accepted it, along with her apologies. I told her that I only wanted o go back to the dorm. "Please, mom, I just need to lie down."

She agreed and didn't push anything, after a quick stop for food and the medication she took m home, and I told her I'd talk to her later.

I slowly made me way up the stairs, as my whole body ached. Stumbling into my room I opened the pill bottle and took two, hoping the searing pain in my leg would go away quickly. Then I took two more for my head, two for my back, and two for all the pain in body, including my heart.

Thank you to those who have made it this far and especially for people who have taken a second to review, it really brightens my day! J


	5. Chapter 5

Then the tears came, with greater intensity than ever before, I felt sick and they wouldn't stop. I jus wanted everything to go away. I wanted to play hockey and have fun again, stop being so stressed, understand my mom, make it through my senior year…but most of all, I wanted my father back.

Despite the man he was, I still loved him. His death hit me hard, but I covered well, so well that I had almost forgotten to cry. I remember the night of the funeral. I couldn't sleep afterwards and I lay in my bed crying silently, wishing the pain away. I had gone stumbling into the bathroom and looking for some Kleenex, when I saw my razor left forgotten from my morning shave. I remember seeing the blade as I pushed it into my flesh, again and again, until all the pain had localized to my arms. It was so real to me…then I looked down, my wrists where covered in blood...what the hell?? Suddenly I had no idea what was going on…I couldn't think straight, the room was spinning and I had the sudden urge to throw up. Hobbling out of my room, I ran towards the bathroom, awkwardly I tried to navigate the hallway, as everything had become fuzzy…why was my leg hurting so much? I had left my crutches in my room, but that seemed to be the worst of my problems, right now I was dripping blood onto the floor. Turning around, I checked my mess; it wasn't to bad at least. I want to take another step when the ground disappeared, and I found myself falling down a flight of stairs. My body was twisted and thrown like a rag doll and as my head struck the final step, I blacked out cold, and I lay mangled at the bottom of the stairs.

* * *

Charlie awoke with a start, "what was that?" he wondered as he sat up in bed. Goldberg stirred in his sleep and Charlie got up and shook him.

"Goldberg, did you hear that noise?"

"Go back to sleep," he mumbled as he rolled over and put his pillow over his head.

Charlie sighed and opened his door, going to see what was wrong. Fulton and Guy were also coming out of their rooms, and saw Charlie, "what was that?" Guy asked sleepily.

"I have no idea, but I think it came from the stairwell," Fulton answered, pointing.

Charlie followed his gaze and saw that Adam's room was open. "That's funny, Bank's door is open."

The three of them looked at each other and ran down the hallways, notching the spilled blood. They gasped as they saw his still body at the bottom of the stairs, "Is he-?" Guy couldn't finish his thought.

"Don't even go there; just get some help, FAST!" Charlie told him briskly, as he began to run down the steps. Fulton followed closely behind as Guy ran back to his room to call for an ambulance.

"We shouldn't move him," Charlie said, "Just in case he has a neck injury, but we should try and stop the bleeding."

Fulton, quickly ripped part of his shirt and they used it to press on the deep cuts on Adam's arms as they waited and hoped that everything would be alright.

Guy came running down the stairs with his blanket and said that the ambulance would be coming soon. Averman, who had woken up when Guy called the ambulance, had followed, and they tried to get Adam as comfortable as possible without hurting him further.

What seemed like hours later to the four of them the ambulance arrived and quickly got him loaded up and they sped away towards the hospital, as more and more of the Ducks had gathered in the stairwell and watched it go.

* * *

"I just…I don't understand…how could-?" Audrey Banks was trying to understand the situation as she sat by her son's bedside, afraid to touch him, afraid to even look at him. Dan Carlton had placed his hand comfortingly on her shoulder, and stood silently.

"We will have to wait and see. I have contacted the on staff psychiatrist. She will see Adam as soon as he wakes up and is ready to talk. For now, however, he will probably sleep for quite some time. We pumped his stomach to get the overdose of codeine out of his system, but I'm afraid he may have done some damage to his stomach; we shall have to wait and see." Dr, Larson emphasized again. Mrs. Banks could only nod, as the Doctor continued, "His most serious injury is the concussion as well as some trauma to his neck, but other than that he was very lucky, he re-broke his leg and had to have several stitches in both wrists, but other than that it appears to be only bumps and bruises." Dr. Larson summed up as gently as possible.

She could only nod as she let the news of her son sink in. "I will be in to check on him later, and after he wakes up we may be able to find out more."

"Thanks you, Doctor." Dr. Larson tuned on his heel and left the room closing the door quietly after him.

"Oh, Adam," Mrs. Banks gently touched her son's bruised face and fought back tears.

The team made a somber crew as they assembled outside of Adam's room, after they had just barley won their game 4-3. Adam's presence was deeply missed, and the team had needed his intellect and confidence to help get some goals. But during the game, all they could think about was whether or not he would be OK.

"Why can't we see him?" Charlie complained, slumping to the ground, tired from playing.

"You heard what his mom said, he hasn't woken up," Julie made a good point.

"I just want them to know that he has our support," Charlie sighed.

Dan came up behind the group, and startled them all, "you must be from Adam' team, I assure you, I will send Mrs. Banks and Adam your well wishes, but for now, it would be best to clear out from the corridor." Dan opened the door just far enough to squeeze in, as the Ducks stood in silence.

"Who was that?" Averman whispered to Goldberg, who shrugged in turn.

Dejected, the team turned around and headed towards the exit, their friend's well being laying on their minds.


	6. Chapter 6

OK, so I have been switching POV's…I hope it is not too confusing. Also, thanks for the people who take time to review! You all rock! 

"Where am I?" I mumbled as a searing pain went through my head, as the bright sunlight rudely shined into my eyes. "Mom?" I asked tentatively to the blurry figure beside my bedside.

She lifted her head and looked at me speechless for a second, as the image finally came into focus for me; I saw her go through a look of sadness to happiness to anger in a matter of about five seconds. "How could you, Adam? How could you put me through this after everything that has happened? How could you be so selfish?" 

"ME?" I yelled, but my outburst caused a sharp pain to surge through my entire body. I paused and shut my eyes as the pain subsided, when I opened them again I saw Dan grab my mother by the hands and force her to calm down, telling her she should go have some coffee and cool off. She agreed and walked out of the door without meeting my glance, as I looked at Dan gratefully for the first time since I had met him.

"I should go get Dr Larson, let him know that you are awake," Dan said calmly, as he made his way out of my room. I nodded in reply and laid my head back down on the pillow. "Why me?" I thought to myself, "why me?"

I must have fallen back asleep because I woke up to the bustle of Dr. Larson and a middle-aged nurse who had come into my room. She took my temperature, pulse, and blood pressure, and put a few notes on my chart, while Dr. Larson was looking through his papers on a clipboard. After the nurse left and shut the door, he pulled up a chair to my bedside.

"Adam, it says in here that you suffered a concussion previously, is this correct?"

"Yea, it happened during a hockey game, I got tripped up and went directly into the post head first."

"I see, Adam, if you would hold on a moment I would like to call for Dr. Lara Nolan, our on staff psychiatrist."

A few long minutes later, Dr. Larson walled back into the room followed by a young woman with short black hair, and a pleasant face. I suddenly felt the butterflies in my stomach go away, as Dr, Larson introduced her to me, and she smiled. Dr. Nolan seemed to have a calming effect.

I vaguely listened as Dr. Larson shared a few more notes and discussed my situation. I shifted uncomfortably in bed, trying not to look at my bandaged arms; I had never felt so ashamed in my life.

"Adam, there have been studies done showing that people, especially athletes, who experience severe head trauma, as you did several years ago will be more likely to develop depression as time goes on. Also, considering what has happened to you recently that can make it come on much easier" Dr. Nolan started to explain to me as placidly as possible. "It is most likely, your father's death was the number one trigger, and the doctor's found scars from other self-inflicted cuts. Then there was the injury, and fights with your mother."

"Adam, you should have sought help when you first started to feel the onset of depression" Dr. Larson put in.

"But, how was I supposed to know--?" I started too asked, quietly.

"It's alright, the point is we are going to try and get you help now, Dr. Larson, why don't you finish up with your patient and leave me to further our discussion?"

He nodded, "Adam, I should tell you about your injuries, to be honest, you were very lucky you weren't injured further. Like I told your mother, the most serious injury is the concussion. Other than that it's only bumps and bruises, and luckily you broke your leg in the exact same spot again, but it may require surgery later to remove some scar tissue that is going to build up."

I nodded; afraid I was going to be sick. There was so much happening at once, and for the first time, I was starting to acknowledge the fear that I felt; the fear for my own life.

Dr. Nolan patiently waited for Dr. Larson to leave. She then started simply with the obligatory paperwork and I answered questions about my health, background, and other information that hardly seemed pertinent to the current situation.

"Adam, now do you think you can tell me a little about how you have been feeling over the past few weeks and even before your father's death?  You don't have to talk about everything now, mind you, I just need to understand what as been going on."

I took a deep breath unsure where to start. I wanted to tell her about all the pressure, playing hockey, always being tired and hurt, being caught in the crossfire of my parent's arguments, the death, my mother's sudden remarriage, the prospect of moving…I wanted to tell her all of that, but the thoughts just swam about in my head. Tears were starting to form in my eyes and embarrassed I tried to wipe them away. 

"It's OK to cry, Adam. I'd be more worried if you didn't." She gave me a smile and handed me a Kleenex.  "We can start this tomorrow if you wish, but for now, just try to get some rest. Sort out your thoughts. I'll see you same time."

I watched her leave my room and suddenly I felt incredibly alone. Not just because nobody else was in my room, but also because I really was alone in more ways then I had ever realized.


	7. Chapter 7

"So, Adam, tell me more about your family life," Dr. Nolan was sitting next to my bedside again, asking me questions.

"Well, it was hard. My brother and I got along OK, but he eventually left and went to college away from home. He couldn't take all the fighting between my parents. My father wanted to control everything. When he found out he couldn't control my mother and my brother, he controlled me. My hockey career—my life. And, well, I devoted myself to it. It made me happy that he wanted to spend time with me..." The words were spilling out, I had no idea how I was able to say all that.

"I see, what about the past couple years?" Dr. Nolan asked patiently.

"He put a lot of pressure, but from a distance. My parents were not spending much time together. Things were harder, but I still tried to play my heart out. There were injuries and several bumps in the road. So many times when I wanted to give it all up, and have a normal life…" Talking to Dr. Nolan I was starting to realize how much hockey had been eating away from my life.

"But you still stuck with it?"

"Yea, I did. I just would get through it, but it was hard. I really had nobody to turn too when times got tough. I mean the Ducks are my friends, but I've always kind of felt, well, on the outside. I don't know why. I would sometimes have a hard time eating and sleeping. I could barely make it through practices my stomach would hurt so much, but still I pushed through it." By now, I had almost forgotten Dr. Nolan was there. I was just talking, saying things I never meant anybody to hear. I had always figured who would care? They were my problems, I should e able to deal with it.

"What about after his death?"

"I was so bitter. Angry, but I didn't want anybody to know. One day I was angry with my dad—I broke this picture frame. When I was picking up the glass, I cut myself…it felt good. I didn't understand it…I wanted that pain to be anywhere than my heart." I was suddenly embarrassed again and very ashamed. Tears were forming in my eyes and I looked away from Dr. Nolan and tried to make the thoughts stop coming back. I wanted to feel numb again; all these emotions were tumbling out too quickly.

"It's OK, Adam. You made a lot of progress today, much more than I expected. I am going to help you through this, but you have to just try to talk it all out. It is obvious that too much pressure has been put onto you. At 18 nobody should expect you to worry so much about one thing and have to devote your time too it, but you handled it with as much courage as anybody as I have seen. I know you may not believe that, but you did. You are considerate of other people and you took the responsibility like an adult." Dr. Nolan took a breath and gave me a smile. "I think, however, that due to the circumstances you are dealing with more than you should. Adam, you are suffering from clinical depression, but it can be treated and it will get better. Drugs are not the answer for everything, but I am going to prescribe you Zoloft to help straighten out your moods. It will take awhile for full effect, but with that and seeing me you will be on the road to recovery quickly."

I could only nod as I watched Dr. Nolan put some notes onto her clipboard. She stood up and smiled, "OK, well I will see you tomorrow. Take care and if you need me, feel free to have a nurse page me."

"Thanks," I said quietly. At that moment, my mother and Dan walked in. Upon seeing them something inside me ached, but I was happy they were there. Then I saw Charlie, Guy, and Connie standing behind them. For the first time, I actually gave a little smile as the three waved at me. Dr. Nolan say this, and said something to my mom that she wanted to see her and it would be best if I was with my friends for a little bit. She agreed and followed Dr. Nolan out of the room as my friends came in and pulled up chairs.

"Hi guys," I said, more than slightly embarrassed as I shifted uncomfortably in my bed.

They looked equally embarrassed but also very concerned. "How are you? Well, I mean obviously…well I mean…" Charlie couldn't make a coherent sentence.

"I'm OK, better since you guys are here." I told them sincerely.

"Good, we were worried about you, Adam. Everybody is and they all say 'hi,'" Connie told me smiling.

"I'm sorry to give you guys such a scare," I looked away. This was difficult.

"Don't worry about that now. We just want you to get better and come back to the team," Guy answered.

"Yea, if I even get too." I mumbled, suddenly feeling very depressed again.

"Way to go, Guy! Smart cookie you are!" Connie shot at Guy through gritted teeth, "We're here to CHEER him up…"

"Sorry, Adam."

"It's OK." It was getting awkward. It didn't used to be like this, why couldn't I talk to my friends?

We managed to keep a small conversation up, but not without long pauses and uncomfortable sighs. Eventually, the door opened and my mother and Dan came back. Slightly relived I watched my friends stand up and say their good-bye's. My mother sighed as she pulled up a chair by my bed.

"Honey, I am so sorry." She was near tears as she took my hand. "I never meant to put so much pressure on you, you should've told me! I would've tried to help you…am I bad mother?" She was crying now, and I wanted to scream.

"Of course not, mom. It's not you're fault." I mumbled, not sure of what else to say, I really had no words of comfort, and I wasn't about to start playing the parent in the situation. Luckily, for a second time, Dan stepped in and calmed my mother a little so she could at least talk, but the entire time she avoided my eyes.

"I know this is bad timing, Adam, but we have to talk about the move," she took a deep breath, "We are going to start getting everything set, we are looking for a house right now. Dan will go ahead of us and start to get settled. When you are strong enough we will move to Michigan completely."

I was stunned. I had no words to express what I was feeling, but the pit in my stomach was growing "I have to leave? Now? In the middle of the school year? All my friends?" the questions came spilling out as I looked hard at my mother.

"Honey, it's probably best for you anyways, we can hire a tutor or something so you can at least get your diploma. Don't worry everything will be fine. The change might be good, get away from these memories and heartache…" my mother said vaguely, as if she had forgotten I was there, forgotten that I was suffering as well.

I couldn't believe it; she had almost no sympathy or emotion, where had my mother gone?  


	8. Chapter 8

Time seemed to be dragging on. I had been in the hospital for nearly a week and was finally off suicide watch, meaning that now I had some privacy, however; I don't know if that was really the best thing for me either. The more time I had to myself, the more I would think about everything that caused me to become stressed and depressed. Dr. Nolan was helping me to develop coping skills and to talk out my problems about my parents, hockey, and school. I suppose it was helping, I was starting to feel a little better about everything. My mom had a hard time coming to see me. She claimed she was busy packing and getting ready for the move. 

The move…I wasn't exactly sure how I was supposed to react to that. I mean, I was angry, but maybe my mom had a point. Maybe it would be good for me. What was worrying me the most was college. Where was I going to go now? Hockey would probably be out of the question and I didn't know many of the colleges in Michigan. More importantly, there was the idea that I wouldn't get to graduate, I would miss the entire end of the year senior events and being with my friends during he last couple of months. 

"Adam?" I looked up to see Coach Bombay walking into my room.

"Hi, Coach."

"I'm sorry I didn't come sooner. How are you doing?" he smiled and pulled up a chair next to my bed.

I contemplated how to answer that. Normally people say "fine" or "good" no matter how they are really feeling. How did I really feel? "Well…not perfect. Confused mostly I guess."

"That's perfectly normal. I wanted to come because I heard you have been having some trouble with your mom and that you are moving, and mostly, to make sure that you were doing OK."

"Yea…well, my mom is going to re-marry and we have to move to Michigan. I don't even get to graduate and I don't know where I am going to go to college."

"Don't worry about that so much right now, Adam, worry about getting well first. When do you start psychical therepy?"

"I don't know, nobody has said anything yet. Probably not for a while. I might have to have surgery on my ankle. All I want to do is play hockey next year."

"Just don't feel the need to rush. You have plenty of time to come back and even so, there will be more to life than playing hockey."

"I know, Coach, but that's all I've ever wanted. Now with my Dad gone, I want it even more. To prove to him that I can still do it."

"Adam, I know how much it meant to you to please your father, and that the pressure is not any less now that he is gone, but don't feel the need to push yourself so hard right now. Just relax and concentrate on getting better so you can come back twice as strong and ready to get back into the game. Sort out your life first. You gave everybody quite a scare and everybody just wants you to get better first."

All I could do was nod as Bombay continued, "But for when you do feel ready to conquer college and hockey I have a connection for you. There is a small liberal arts college in central Michigan called Alma College. I have a friend from school there who coaches hockey. His name is Luke Mayer and I know he would be glad to help you."

"Thanks, Coach."

"Anytime, now I've got to go, but you know how to reach me. Whenever you need to talk, give me a call Adam, I always have time." He gave my shoulder a squeeze and walked out of the room, and I discovered that I actually felt a little better.

"Adam, wake up."

"Huh?" I opened my eyes to see my mother, Dan, and Dr. Larson standing over me.

"We have good news for you, Adam, you are making good progress, and you will be able to go home in the next few days, but you will have to come back here every three days to see Dr. Nolan and then to begin psychical therepy so we can get you back and playing hockey ASAP."

I nodded; I had hoped this was going to be happening soon. The adults talked for a few more minutes about my progress while I zoned out. My head my starting to throb. I had nearly forgotten about the concussion, I had been drugged up for so long I hadn't been feeling much pain. The light in the room was so bright I had to shut my eyes. All I wanted to do was go back to sleep.

"Adam? Adam?" Somebody was calling my name…why did it sound so far away? Suddenly, everything went black.

A/N: OK, so Alma College really doesn't have a hockey team, but hey, that's why I love fiction.


	9. Chapter 9

I slowly opened my eyes and blinked a few times. It was all a dream—no, it was a nightmare. It's over now. I threw back my covers and stood up, I pushed my weight onto my ankle, it was sore, but it felt much stronger. I looked out the window of my room and saw trees upon trees, something that I was not used to saying. I just leaned against the pane and allowed myself to get lost in my thoughts.

So much had happened. I had gotten better—mostly, and worst of all. We moved. With everything that had happened in the past few years, I tried not to let the moving touch me.  I stayed far away from everybody.  I just couldn't take the pain of leaving everyone behind, so instead I only hurt them more.  I remember finally leaving the hospital.  I remember finally being able to go home, only to realize my mother had already moved most of our things out.  She was not losing any time on this. I was still angry with her, how could I not?  I suppose I could've begged to stay, but deep down I realized that I wasn't sure if I wanted too.  Did I really fit in with the Ducks?  It didn't matter now.  My hockey career was ruined.  No schools wanted me, my scholarship offers were politely taken off the table. 

I sighed and rubbed my temples.  The migraines wouldn't stop.  The doctors said it was a side effect of suffering a concussion, and I would probably have to deal with them for a while.  But the pain didn't matter.  I felt nothing anymore.  I had become this incredible shell of a person.  I put on a fantastic act, but on the inside, nothing. Empty.  

"Adam?" my mother's voice rang up the stairs, her tone short.  I had done something to piss her off and it was only 9:30 in the morning.

"Coming," I said a little too quickly.  I stood at the window for a few more seconds, looking longingly into the forest of trees whishing I could hide away.

"ADAM!" my mother's tone was fuming and I knew I was in real trouble now.

I walked downstairs and found my mother standing in the kitchen holding a letter.  "It says here you haven't shown up for class in over a week.  Do you wish to explain yourself?"  Her face was turning very red and a twitch was forming by her eye.

I know I shouldn't have found humor in the situation, but I did, I just didn't care about her anger anymore.  I stifled my laugh into a cough and dared to look my mother in the face. "Well, um, if I had a good excuse I'd give you one, but I don't.  So yes, they are right; I haven't been going to class."  Since I had an entire term to finish, my mother decided it would be best to be enrolled in the local high school, which turned out to be a complete joke.  It was a public school, and I had already covered most of the academics at Eden Hall. "Look, mom, I'm not trying to act smart, but honestly, there is no reason for me to go there.  Can't I just take the test to earn my diploma?"

My mother sighed.  Deep down, she probably realized that it was pointless for me to attend class, but I think she made me go in hopes that I would make new friends and attend parties or something.  But that just wasn't me.  I may have been considered a prep, but I would never want to associate with them, nor them with me.  Not good enough for the preps and too good for the Ducks.  I hate being in the middle.

"Fine, do whatever you want," my mother snapped at me.  "I'm going to work and you can just sit around like you always do."

I knew I was hurting her, but I wasn't trying to do it on purpose.  It just seemed to happen.  Filling up a glass of water, I downed my medication and then went back to my room.  I turned on my computer and checked my mail.  Letters from most of the Ducks were in there.  Multiple ones at that.  I read most of them, but I never replied.  I knew was being a lousy friend, but I wasn't trying to do that on purpose either.  My head hurt, I just wanted to lie down. 

I flopped onto my bed and pulled the covers over my face hoping that when I woke up the pain in my heart would go away.  

By the time I woke up it was past dinnertime.  The sound of forks scraping against plates signified my mother and Dan had already started dinner—without me.  I wasn't surprised though.  They did this all the time. 

I started to walk into the dining room when I saw the table had been set in my mother's good china, candles were lit, and a vase of red roses was in the middle.  My mother was holding a wine glass, allowing Dan to top it off.  She looked so happy, as he raised his glass to toast hers.  I didn't have the heart to interrupt, and quietly turned around before they could see me.

Wandering back upstairs, I heard my phone ringing.  I checked the caller ID, it said "unknown caller" but I decided to pick it up anyways.  "Hello?"

"Adam?" a male voice inquired.

"Who is this?" the voice sounded familiar, but I couldn't place it.

"It's Coach Bombay."

I took a sharp intake of breath before I finally exhaled, "Hi, Coach…" my enthusiasm was coming somewhere from my shoes.  I really didn't want to talk about anything.

Either Bombay couldn't hear my monotonous tone, or he was choosing to ignore it, "How are you?"

"Fine," I answered in that obligatory manner, "You?" 

"We miss you, Adam, all of us, the Ducks, Coach Orion, me."

"Oh…" What the hell do you say to that?!

"I am just calling to tell you that you need to pack a bag, I'm coming to pick you up in 20 minutes."

"What?" I had no idea what was going on.

"We wanted to surprise you.  The Ducks are playing a tournament in Detroit and we want to see you.  Your mother already knows, so I am calling to tell you to get ready, I will see you then."

"Wait!" But I was cut off.  I let the dial tone ring in my ear a few seconds before I finally hung up the phone.

I was going to see the Ducks.


	10. Chapter 10

"It's nice to see you Adam," Bombay stuck out his hand, and I shook it, nodding.

"Nice to you see you too, Coach."

"You got all your gear?"  Bombay glanced at my backpack of stuff.

I knew what he meant by gear. "Um, I haven't skated since I broke my ankle actually…I'm not supposed to be skating yet," I lied.  The doctor had actually recently cleared me to slowly start doing psychical activities, but I had no desire to play hockey anymore.

Bombay eyed me suspiciously, "Well, how about we put it in the car, just in case?" I don't think my saying no would have made a difference as Bombay was already walking towards my garage. He found my hockey gear sitting on a shelf.  A bit of dust had actually settled, and lifted as Bombay threw everything into my duffle bag.

He tossed my stuff into the trunk of his car, and I got into the front seat. An hour in the car with just Coach and I, was I going to make it? He backed out of my driveway and I looked out of the window. This was going to be a long trip.

"Adam, the Ducks have been really worried about you."

"Well, I'm sorry," I snapped. I am so tired of everyone making me feel guilty.

"It's OK, Adam; I just want you to know that people are there for you."

"I know, I'm sorry Coach. I realize I haven't been a very good friend."

"It's alright, everyone will just be happy to see you."

"Yep…" I trailed off and looked out the window again, and absentmindedly ran my fingers along the scars on my wrist.

"So, have you given any through to playing college hockey?"

I snorted, "Yea right, nobody is interested in recruiting me. All my scholarship offers have been withdrawn. I don't even know if I am going to graduate high school at this point."

"You will. Your mother told me about your situation. It is a good idea to simply just take the test and earn your diploma that way."

"Yea, I guess so."

"Do you remember what I told you before? About my friend Luke Mayer? I gave him a call and he is actually going to be scouting at the tournament the Ducks are playing at. I told him about you, he is very excited to meet you and thinks you would be an excellent addition to his team. I know you wanted to go Division 1, Adam, but this may be a good way to start your college career, transferring is always an option in the future. Just don't rule out all of the possibilities, consider it."

"OK, I will," which was probably the most sincere statement I had made in weeks. Honestly, I had no other options at this point, and at least it wasn't far away. However, the question remained, did I want to play hockey? I honestly didn't know. The drive, the excitement, and the will to get better and go back to it had all disappeared. I was too tired all the time and found that I really didn't are anymore.

It was as if Bombay had been reading my mind, "I know it feels like you will never want to go back to it, but just give it a shot. I'm not saying the road will be an easy one, but if you preserve and re-ignite that fire I know you have, then you will make it."

"Thanks," I mumbled.

He smiled at me, and then pointed to a sign in front of us. We were pulling into the Joe Louis Arena, home of the Detroit Red Wings. "The Ducks are having practice right now, we can catch about the last half hour."

He parked the car and we walked into the arena, and down to the ice area. I stepped out of the tunnel and onto the bench area and looked out on the ice. The team looked good scrimmaging. It looked like Charlie's stickhandling had improved, I watched as he faked past Guy and scored on Julie.

"Adam?" a voice asked from behind me.

I turned around and saw Connie standing there, "Adam! It is so good to see you!" she threw her arms around me and gave me a hug.

I stiffened. Nobody has hugged me, let alone even touch me in months. I awkwardly returned her hug. "Hey, Connie, how are you?"

"Not to bad, just waiting for practice to get over."

I noticed she had ice wrapped around her shoulder, "What happened?"

"Oh, Fulton checked me into the boards a little too hard. It's just a little bruised, but I should be fine for the game tomorrow, I am so excited you are here!"

I heard the whistle blow and everyone stopped skating, which allowed them to notice I was standing there. "Adam! Adam!" Everyone was calling my name and shouting at me.

I was uncomfortable. I wanted everyone to stop paying attention to me. As the team filed into the locker-room, I exchanged hellos with everyone, and forced a smile onto my face. The last person to walk by me was Charlie who looked at me closely.

"Why have you ignored us?"

"I don't want to start this now, Charlie," I said quietly, looking down.

He watched me for a second before he nodded, "I know, you are right. I've missed you, man. The ice is not the same without you, we've had to really step up our game. We recruited some new players, but none of them are near as good as you—added together that is."

I followed him into the locker room as he updated me on the season and some of the going-ons at school. "People have been asking about you, but we haven't really said much. We don't really know much."

"I know, Charlie, I'm sorry," I didn't really want to hear all of this.

"I'm not trying to hurt you Adam, I know you already are, but don't shut the Ducks out, don't shut your best friend out. We want to help you," he looked me straight in the eye, "and we are going too, whether you like it or not."

I had to smile, this was so like Charlie, always the captain. Always the leader.

"Adam…" I turned around to see Julie standing there. I stood up and allowed her to give me a hug. "We need to talk."

"I know," I was quickly growing tired of hearing that.

"We are going to get some food after this, are you going to join us?"

I shrugged, "Sure."

"Good, because if you said no, I was going to drag you there kicking and screaming."

The team settled on going to the Hard Rock Café and we were able to get a private banquet room for ourselves.  Personally, I would have rather been in the noisy hall and allow any civilized conversation to be drowned out.  I sat between Charlie and Julie who both kept giving me sideway's glances as I nervously kept folding and refolding my napkin.  Finally, Julie grabbed my hand and gently took the napkin out of my death grip.

"Thanks," I said sheepishly.

"Adam, you don't have to be nervous. Everything is fine."

She still hadn't let go of my hand, but I realized that I didn't want her to let go. She looked me in the eye, "everything is going to be OK."

I just nodded, pretending to agree, but I knew better. What could I do? Could I tell her how I felt about hockey, about life, about her? Could I trust her?

That's when she kissed me.


End file.
